fiestaturbo.com

by **elm_us** on Sun Apr 06, 2003 6:10 pm

the FT story we all wrote,

here it is

how foooking long is it :aaah:

Today I was driving along in my fiesta when a little old lady and her dog steped out on to the zebra crossing in front of me, when I was busy gazing at a tree managed to stop the car just in time - so no scarches or nothin but the old lady and her dog where thrown 20feet in to the air! amazingly i managed to drive under them and they landed and they landed in the tree that I was looking at, but luck was on my side because no one saw it so i drove off, but i felt guilty for the remainder of the day, until all of a sudden A fine ladee with a sign saying "free recaros” pick up here, also a free Packet of Cheese and onion Crisps, altho it wasnt really free, cos i had to beat up a tramp to get them but now the interior has fleas in it which i caught off the tramps head bit all is not lost as the ladee offered me some hot donkey loving! which i was well pleased with as it was cold out and the donkey looked inviting to me and my mum, who loves donkeys, but when it came to the crunch, i just couldnt love the donkey, soemthing deep inside me said i shouldnt. my mum on the other hand rode it all night long untill chumkila offered her something a bit different. as soon as mum saw him she ran a mile! coincidently, back 2 the scene of the crime where the old lady an her dog were at the incident of where it all began lying hurt after the accident, so she tried to help them but but the old ladees dog took a chunk out of her wooden peg leg and runs off with it Altho being a smart type of woman she yells "Come ere boy, drop!" and he returns the leg to her, albiet covered in dog slaver and minus a chunk. meanwhile, on the other side of town, a nova owner walks into halfords and buys some led washer jet lights ,and the latest copy of max flower.he then walks up to the till and a fit bird comes up to him and say`s i love your steering wheel, its worth more than your car, i like a nice Momo when suddenly a green sheep jumped over the hedge and splat its bum into A passing cyclist, the cyclist loses control of the bike and his head was surround by the sheeps rear end making him think he was blind for life as he crashes in2 the nova the nova is a cmplete write off, its kenwood sticker is ripped from all the glass that shattered when the sheep and cyclist hit the rear window. then the nova starts to roll down the road cos it was the only way she could get her cat to eat. Besides she liked the taste...if fact any chance she got to eat some great PIE she would lick her lips and eat the pie having eaten lots of pie she got up and checked her teeth in the mirror, noticing a stray cat in her teeth. slightly miffed by having a moggy stuck in her dentures she quicky phoned the vet who said he would remove it for a couple of quid and a small packet of sweet potatoes. But distaster struck when she found the bag of sweet potatoes but could only scrape together a measly 47p. She needed money, and fast so she decided to do the only thing she cud do and sell her body, she hooked up with the pimpin' king Chumkilla to sell her body for her but ford where doing a rolling road day so she gave free "jobs" to FT members But then i came along and gave free head to everyone that asked nicely except Elm_us 'cos he was greedy suddenly chumkila said or something similar, and then scuttered off to that dark corner from whence he came, where, to his dismay, he found someone had jumped onto his computer, deleted all his posts and he was a newbie again! He said FOOK a donkey, im gonna have to spend night and day to redeem my elite pimpin' post master status but meanwhile down the road, ADE was having some fun with the affore mentioned donkey and sheep when suddenly Ins@[ERRR] jumped out of the bushes and yelled "OI ADE ! female provider of 'horizontal refreshment' ! LEAVE MY DOLLY ALONE" before i put my mobile up your left nostril and do something unspeakable with your RS Turbo like PUT it back TOGETHER and might steel your puma seats which are really only any use if you're a skinny get anyhow and which ade is as he eats twiglets, suddely Project jumps in the room in his SUPER bodge it costume and sprays ades' frst with a few matt black aerosol cans meanwhile @ uncle harrys bodge it barrys shop uncle Harry was beginning to wonder where project bodgeit had gotten to uncle harry was in a bit of distress. He picked his nose and scratched his head, pondering the exact type of distress he was in. It was mainly to do with trekkieFRST being up his a55 to long to which he mowned err....why has trekkie been up my bum all this time? He never calls or writes like he used to. I wonder if he's ok? Perhaps he's lost. Best send one of the part timers in with a flashlight to have a look farted and out popped Trekkie who'd been stuck up there for weeks with only a packet of peanuts and a pocket torch said "i wondered whos a55 i was in" and with that he licked his lips and said mmmm that tasted like elm the guvna but thinking back it was andy macs todger he was sucking and he has never had elm so it would not be him it must BE anyhow, up trekkie got, jumped into his frst and proceeded to do another head gasket. ringing up the aa with his premuim 20 favour card he explained his predicament and where he'd been for the last week to the nice lady on the end. Then whilst waiting for the aa man he met ..."SNAKE!!" he yelled. I can smell MarkFRST's floppy locks!! snake looked around to see a feild and wondered over to see what "animals" were in the field as ins@[ERRR] just blew up another blow up sheep and thought it was about time he got a real one or at least a puncture kit and some vulcanising solution brought from miss factor "sheep repair solutions" insane see snake looking @ his she and runs off to grab the nearest shetland Pony fortunately only a few yards down the road was a riding stable full of stallions which snake to a fancy to and started having a ride and calls Guv for back-up including rocky, rambo, judge dredd and the frozen guy off demolition man that was unitl, on closer inspection, the 'stallones' sign did in fact read 'stallions' vexed and befuzzled, he ran like FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK and jumped a fence to where he saw a BULL then he relised ADE in the corrner in his Trusty RED jumper which, coincidentally, was like a red rag to a bull. So bully Phil si and his trusty locks of hair runs trots over to ade then

he managed to crawl under the fence and was confronted by this little beauty "OMG" He exclaimed. "That looks just like one Hella big floppy donkey d1ck “I wonder how he knew my nickname" cried Lou must of been him who push me over the other night “when he took me from behind on the tailgate of the GuvnaMobile" and started too neigh profusely which is as low as sleepin with your own mum, so they got some GREAT leverage anyhow, bruises and scrapes from the rear wiper aside, Guv proceeded to tell Phil he'd call him in the morning, and promptly forgot that in 9 months were gonna SEE some fooked up children as he forgot the protection 9 months later a zebra with a mans head was born they decided to call it Fiesta Boy which had a brummy accent like keith keith hes our man but because of his zebra genes his voice was destined never to break, but when he looked round he saw many other people like him like FezzR the hippo and Ins@[ERRR] the old dinosaur and sauna the.....errrr......very hot room also in the room was Jay the sumo goat who was, for some reason, wearing Snakes shower cap who was trying to pick some entrance music for his next sumo basho. He'd shortlisted the following quality choons
He finally chose:

- Saturday night by whigfield

- More then a women by the Bee Gees and

- Grease Lightning

but was afraid bringing his hifi into the err sauna might electrocute everyone. So he decided to play the spoons to 'Saturday Night', humming and through the medium of dance got everyone bleeting in minutes BAA BAA BLEAT BAA BLEAT BLEAT BAAAA they all laughed and bleated and talked of memories past for several minutes, when someone farted. it was I'm Baaaaa aaaaaaaaa d I'm baaaaaa aaaaaaa aaaaad worse than a cat fart worse than a schumi schit

in other words, verrrry bad. At that moment super snake decided to join everyone in the Sauna. Upon espying his show cap he cried I love the donkey out side and he asked me to marry her, WITH that all the people yelled "Holy spork ! A talking ass ! Is it called Ins@[ERRR]??" with that they unveiled who sat the mumbled then suddenly cried "mumble mumble AND for once there was no ass left for me but then suddenly out of no where, a monkey came in the door called TJ who said

THE END