fiestaturbo.com

by **StephenC** on Sun May 04, 2003 9:53 am

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense
> of humour.
> Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints by QANTAS
> pilots and the corrective action recorded by mechanics. By the way,
> Qantas
> is
> the only major airline that has never had an accident.
> (P stands for the Problem the pilots entered in the log, and S stands
> for the Corrective Action taken by the mechanics.)
>
> P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
> S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
>
> P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
> S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
>
> P: Something loose in cockpit.
> S: Something tightened in cockpit.
>
> P: Dead bugs on windshield.
> S: Live bugs on backorder.
>
> P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-feet per minute
> descent!
> S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
>
> P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
> S: Evidence removed.
>
> P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
> S: DME volume set to more believable level.
>
> P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
> S: That's what they're there for!
>
> P: IFF inoperative.
> S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
>
> P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
> S: Suspect you're right.
>
> P: Number 3 engine missing. (note: this was for a piston-engined
> airplane;the pilot meant the engine was not running smoothly)
> S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
>
> P: Aircraft handles funny.
> S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
>
> P: Radar hums.!
> S: Reprogrammed radar with words.
>
> P: Mouse in cockpit.
> S: Cat installed.