fiestaturbo.com

[Ollybee]

What's the ideal weight for a mother-in-law?

About 2.3 pounds including the urn.
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What had 3 legs and lived on a farm?

The McCartneys

But really we shouldn't make fun of macca. After all will he ever find another woman to fill her shoe?
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I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted to me...

'Oi, what's your disability?'

I said 'Tourettes! Now f#ck off you c#nt!'
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A man is in a queue at Tesco and sees this busty blond staring at him, he can't believe she is staring at him, then she starts waving.

'Excuse me do I know you?' he asks. 'Yes I think you are the father of one of my kids' she says.

The man thinks back and remembers his one act of infidelity and says 'F#cking hell are you the bird I sh#gged on me stag do, whilst your mate whipped me and your other mate stuck a brush up my ar#e?'

'No' she replies 'I'm your son's English teacher!'
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I said to the wife, 'I thought I saw your name on a loaf of bread today, but when I looked again it said 'Thick Cut' '
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A bride on her wedding night says to her husband 'I must confess darling, I was a hooker!'.

He says 'That's alright, dear. Your past is your past, but I must admit that I find it quite erotic. Tell me about it'.

She replies 'Well, my name was Nigel, and I played for Wigan'!
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Father Duffy walks into the convent and sees sister rose washing the kitchen floor. He's overcome with desire and pushes her onto the ground. As he's sh#gging her the Rev Mother comes in.

'SISTER ROSE!!!' she roars 'Have some respect. Arch your back girl and keep Father Duffy's balls off the wet floor!!'
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A man says to his wife 'tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time'.

His wife replies 'You've got a bigger dick than your brother'

[dontpannic]

Cor! some brill ones there. And some brutal haha